


Frozen

by zombiegardener



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I should be working, Keith is a Mess, M/M, Mutual Pining, So much angst, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:01:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiegardener/pseuds/zombiegardener
Summary: Keith is feeling conflicted. Lance, not so much. Something has to give.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this the other night because I couldn't sleep and was stuck with the line "we should try" and Keith freaking out. Then I rewrote it because my mind apparently lives in a dark and angsty place when sleep deprived. It's still angsty, just muted from where it was, because wow.

_Somebody shine a light_  
_I’m frozen by the fear in me_  
_Somebody make me feel alive_  
_Then shatter me_

Keith leaned against the wall behind his bed and tried to let the rhythmic motion of cleaning his bayard lull his mind enough to sleep. The converted clock was flashing between the Altean equivalent of time, which was based on an Earth cycle of 32 hours, 15 minutes, and 45 seconds, give or take, and moved just slowly enough compared to Earth seconds that it set him slightly on edge even after almost a year, and the approximate Earth time, which was way too late to still be up after the day they’d had. He couldn’t sleep and couldn’t face the thought of trying. He briefly entertained the notion of going for a walk to look for Pidge down in the labs or Shiro in the control room, but he’d reached that nebulous point between too restless to sleep and too exhausted to try and everything just seemed like too much effort. 

Or that was his story and he was sticking to it, because there was at least one more option. At least one more person he could seek out, who was probably asleep but wouldn’t turn him away.

One more person that was never very far from his thoughts. 

One more person he’d been avoiding all evening because he wanted to see him just a little too much. 

One more person he really needed to apologize to based on today’s mission outcome, when Keith had almost desperately wanted to wrap him up in his arms after watching one too many Galra fighters target him, which was stupid because Lance was fine. Regardless, the urge had been strong enough to fuel the frustration that always seemed to be simmering under the surface when Lance was near these days, so he’d started a petty argument because he didn’t know what else to do with all the emotion and they hadn’t spoken to each other since. 

One more person who made him feel like he was standing on the edge of a cliff with the ground crumbling beneath him, with the only way out to throw himself off the ledge.

His hands gripped the bayard tighter until he felt the metal dig into his palms as he weighed his third option. His eyes drifted in the direction of Lance’s room almost of their own accord as they followed the direction of his thoughts, because he didn’t know how much more of this he could take. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Every impulse he possessed- and admittedly there were quite a few- was screaming at him to find Lance and confess. To grab him and throw him against the nearest wall. Honestly, to do anything to push their relationship out of its current frozen limbo status before he did something stupid during a training session and fucked everything up. No, his impulses weren’t the problem, because they were very clear as to what he should be doing. The problem was that his impulses were deadlocked with his fear.

It didn’t matter that he wanted it, wanted _Lance_ , so badly that sometimes he couldn’t breathe and he felt like his heart skipped a beat every time their eyes met. There was just so much at stake here. He finally had a family and a purpose and a _home_. He was doing something that mattered, and after way too much angst and effort the five of them were working almost seamlessly as a team. Things had come between them in the last year and fucked up their unity, and Keith was terrified of causing yet another rift, one that might leave him alone again. So he couldn’t act no matter how much he wanted to, and the conflict had him locked in a semi-permanent state of frustration that was slowly driving him mad. 

So instead of leaping into the unknown he started stupid arguments and put way too much bite behind their bickering. He issued stupid challenges just to burn off steam because he knew Lance was incapable of not accepting them, and he ignored the confused and hurt looks Lance threw at him every time he went too far. He knew the others had noticed. Hell, how could they not when he was suddenly regressing their relationship? So far no one had called him on it, but it was only a matter of time.

Dropping his bayard next to his pillow, he rubbed fingers over his temples to try and dispel the headache simmering just below the surface and the itching in his skin that was urging him to stop thinking and just do _something_.

He was still sitting there half an hour later, trying to quiet his mind and convince his body to relax and just go the fuck to sleep, when a soft and hesitant knock on his door jarred him out of his endless cycle of recrimination. The knock was soft enough that it wouldn’t have woken him if he’d been out. He briefly considered ignoring the sound, but he was tired of trying to force himself to sleep and honestly anything was better than sitting here until morning. He wasn’t nearly as surprised as he should have been when the door opened to reveal the object of his turmoil, because obviously the universe hated him. 

Lance was just turning away, hands shoved into the pockets of the jacket he was still wearing and shoulders slumped in something that looked like defeat. He turned back too quickly as the door opened, nearly overbalancing in the process. Keith reached out a steadying hand automatically and left it resting on Lance’s shoulder as he studied him. He looked as exhausted as Keith felt. His eyes were shadowed and his hair was sticking out like he’d been running his hands through it. Too-long curls were tangled around his ears where his hair needed cut, and Keith had to resist the urge to move his fingers the couple of inches required to smooth the soft brown strands back from his face. Lance was still completely dressed, so he hadn’t even tried to sleep yet, which was completely unlike him and heightened Keith’s unease.

“Can…” Lance stopped and cleared his throat, pulling himself taller with resolve as he met Keith’s eyes and started over. “Were you sleeping?”

Keith stared at him for a long moment, lost in trying to place the emotions flickering through Lance’s expression- nerves, determination, and something else- before remembering that maybe he should answer. “No.”

Lance just nodded like he expected that answer. “Can we talk?”

“Um, sure.” Keith realized his hand was still resting on Lance’s shoulder and snatched it back. Stepping into the room, he tapped at the console on the wall to brighten the lights. Lance followed him over to the bed as Keith sank back against the wall, but hesitated before he sat down beside him. The silence that descended was awkward, but Keith had no idea how to break it. The couple of careful inches between them felt like a canyon. Lance was sitting ramrod straight and staring at the hands knotted in his lap like they held the answers to the universe. If he didn’t know him better Keith would have suspected that he was giving himself a pep talk, but that was ridiculous and not a thing Lance did, he was pretty sure.

“We’re friends, right?” 

The question was asked in a soft and uncertain voice that lacked any of Lance’s usual confidence. It was also so far out in left field that Keith momentarily forgot his own tension. He might not be the best at reading people, but how was this even a question? Sure, they’d had a rough start and Keith had been undeniably on edge recently, but a lot had changed over the past year. Their so-called rivalry and general antagonism had evolved into friendship- still with an element of rivalry, sure, but now it was usually fun instead of frustrating. Even recently their good moments had outnumbered the bad by a considerable margin.

He glanced up to find Lance staring at him, gaze intent as he searched Keith’s face for the answer to something beyond the question he’d actually asked. It was enough to make the frustration rush back in full force, and he felt his eyes narrow and his cheeks start to heat from the press of emotions that were threatening to spill over and propel him over the edge. 

He didn’t know what Lance read in his expression, but the other paladin dropped his own face into one hand and waved the other at Keith in a sort of vague apology. “Right, stupid question, Lance.”

Keith waited a minute, but Lance had gone quiet again and the silence was so un-Lance-like that it was unsettling. All Keith wanted was to close the distance between them. To force himself to act instead of react. To stop Lance’s unnatural silence and just push forward whatever this was, because seeing Lance nervous was starting to unnerve him as well. “Lance, look, I’m sorry about today. I was out of line. I was just…” Words failed him as they always did, and he dropped his head back against the wall hard enough to reverberate.

Lance removed his hand from his face and glanced back at Keith with surprise. “What? No. I get that. It’s just…” He studied Keith silently for another minute before taking a deep breath. He kind of had the same _fuck it, I’m going for it_ expression he got when he was about to do something that even he thought was a bad idea. “…is that all we are?”

Keith forgot to breathe for a minute, and when he answered his voice might have been more of a squeak than he was ever going to admit. “Friends?” Lance just nodded, and Keith could swear that he felt the edge of the cliff move under his feet because what the fuck was he supposed to do with that question? 

“I…” He slumped farther against the wall, arms tightening across his chest as the flutter of nerves almost made him feel sick. “I don’t know. Are we?” The doubt in his voice was pathetic enough that it made him want to whack his head against the wall again. Harder this time.

“Um…” Lance turned his attention back to his rapidly twisting fingers, but then gave his head a hard shake and sat up straighter. The movement closed the distance between them to an inch, max, not that Keith was keeping track. He took another steadying breath and turned to face Keith, his vulnerable expression completely at odds with the confidence he was obviously trying to force into his posture. “I’m doing this wrong. I’ve just… I’ve been thinking a lot recently. About you. About _us_.” His eyes locked with Keith’s with that intensity that Keith had been seeing more and more recently. “I don’t want to screw this up. I don’t want to lose you. But I want…” His voice trailed off and his cheeks flushed, but he didn’t look away because Lance rarely back away from anything once he made up his mind. Keith felt his own face flush hotter, like he was burning alive under the intensity of Lance’s gaze.

Releasing the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, he forced himself to sit up and let himself lean a tiny bit closer. “You want what?” His voice was hoarse, but then so was Lance’s.

“You.” The answer was immediate and made something in Keith relax, because _finally_ one of them was doing something about _this_ , whatever this was. “I want you. I _like_ you, Keith. I want to be more than friends. You’re, just, the first thing I think of every morning and the last thing I think of every night. I want to be with you. I want it _so much_. And I sound ridiculous, and you’re not saying anything, and I totally screwed this up, didn’t I?”

“No, Lance, stop.” Keith moved to close the tiny remaining bit of space between them as Lance let out a shaky breath. He finally gave in to the temptation and brushed tentative fingers along Lance’s cheek to push the wayward curl behind his ear. Lance froze, blue eyes wide as he stared at Keith with apprehension. “I… I want that too.”

Lance stared at for a moment longer before he released a shaky laugh and slumped, dropping his head to rest on Keith’s shoulder. “Oh thank god.”

Keith’s fingers slid back until they were brushing the hair at the nape of Lance’s neck. “But Lance…” His arm tightened and he felt tears pricking his eyes, because _oh, god, yes, please_. He honestly couldn’t think of anything he’d ever wanted more, but it wasn’t that easy. Nothing between them ever was. “But can we do this? We’re the defenders of the universe. We’re a team. What if we fuck things up and can’t form Voltron? What if someone dies because of us? What if-“

“Keith.” Lance’s voice cut through the rising panic as he sat back up. He looked steadier again, face more determined, and Keith distantly wondered if he’d already thought through Keith’s likely arguments and run through all his answers. He hoped so with a desperation that was almost painful, because he didn’t know if he could walk away from this, from Lance, even if the fate of the entire universe depended on him making the right decision.

Lance shifted so that their knees brushed as he finally unclenched his fists and took Keith’s hand in his. “I get that. I do. Yes, we’re a team, but we’re also individuals. All of our relationships aren’t equal now, are they? We’re family, but families aren’t on completely equal footing. Life doesn’t work like that. I mean, Hunk is my best friend, and we’ve known each other forever. There’s a history there that doesn’t exist with anyone else. You have the same thing with Shiro. Quiznak, Keith, you gave up everything because you lost it after Kerberos. Hunk and Pidge have that total geek friend crush thing going on that none of the rest of us understand. There’s no reason that we can’t have something of our own too.”

Keith convulsively closed his fingers more tightly around Lance’s but forced himself to continue, because apparently he couldn’t even back away from an argument he was desperate to lose. “This is different and you know it.”

“Is it?” Lance glanced down at their hands and back up to Keith’s eyes. 

Keith bit his lip and noted the way Lance’s eyes dropped down to his lips in response. It was almost too much, because actions were more his thing than words, but he needed to say this. Lance needed words, and he didn’t want any misunderstandings between them. “You know it is.” Lance shook his head in negation but through some miracle didn’t interrupt. “I love the others, Lance. They’re family, and they mean everything to me. But you’re different. What I feel for you is different. It’s…more.” He released a sigh of frustration and leaned forward enough to touch his forehead to Lance’s, eyes closing as Lance relaxed against him. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you, and it could at any time. How is it fair to anyone else if we do this?”

“Keith.” Lance leaned back enough to see Keith’s face. He squeezed Keith’s hand and lifted the fingers of the other to cradle Keith’s cheek. Keith couldn’t have stopped himself from leaning into that slight touch if his life depended on it, and Lance smiled softly in response. “Don’t you get it? We’re already doing this. I can’t stop the way I feel about you, and it’s only going to get stronger whether we want it to or not. All we’re doing is making ourselves miserable and picking random fights for no reason.” He suddenly quirked an eyebrow and fixed Keith with a look. “I mean, I was walking too loud? Really?”

Keith huffed out a laugh, because okay, valid point.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure if we took a poll everyone in the castle would vote that we do anything to stop all the pining and angst. I’ve been told we’re annoying. And possibly pathetic, but Pidge was in a mood at the time, so there’s that.”

“Wait.” Keith leaned back a bit, feeling the frown start to form but uncaring in the wave of indignation. “Everyone knows?”

Lance snorted out a laugh. “There’s seven people in this castle and four very nosy mice. I’m pretty sure everyone knows everything about everything.” His tilted his head to side and let his hand drop back down, closing his fingers over their locked hands to completely enclose Keith’s and leaning slightly closer as his voice took on a challenging tone that Keith was way too familiar with. “I just… I just think we should try. We could take it slow. We could-“

Keith cut off his words by tangling his free hand in Lance’s jacket and pulling him into a kiss. He was done with not acting, because damn it, if they wanted this and apparently everyone else wanted this then what the hell were they waiting for? He half expected Lance to pull away, mostly because that’s how their relationship usually seemed to work, but the other boy didn’t even hesitate. He tilted his head slightly to give them a better angle and slid his hands up Keith’s arms and around his shoulders. Keith lost everything after that but the feel of Lance’s lips on his, the swipe of his tongue, and the soft sounds he made as Keith tangled one hand in his too-long hair and pulled.

By the time they pulled apart Keith’s back was against the wall and Lance had crawled hallway into his lap to bring them closer together. Keith moved just enough to see Lance’s face and grinned, his heart pounding with giddiness and joy and the exhaustion that was creeping in as the tension dissipated. “If that was trying, I can’t wait to see what you do when you decide to really make an effort.”

“Shut up.” Lance leaned back and regarded him critically. “You look exhausted. What time is it?”

“Um, 30:75:14?”

“Wow, that’s helpful.”

“Late.” Keith slid his hands down from Lance’s shoulders to rest on his hips. “Or early, I guess. Way too close to training.”

“We should get some sleep.”

Keith glanced back up at him, trying to make his eyes look wide and innocent through the fringe of his hair. “Good idea. You should stay here. It’s a long walk back down the hallway.”

Lance laughed, eyes glinting with amusement. “Oh, I wasn’t offering to leave. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Keith suddenly pushed up, rolling and pinning Lance to the bed underneath him and letting a predatory smile cross his face. “Oh, I’m counting on that.” He let Lance tug him down into a deeper kiss, melting into the other boy’s warmth as he felt the last of his fear shatter and the cliff give way. Honestly, he couldn’t understand why he’d waited this long.

**Author's Note:**

> The lines at the beginning are from the song Shatter Me by by Lindsey Stirling (and Lizzy Hale), because I'm now letting Itunes name everything I write, apparently. I'm also not quite happy with the end, but I need to finish working for the day and apparently I'm obsessing.


End file.
